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Child Maintenance Service – not impressed!

Posted on 5th April 2016 in break up/ bullying/ children/ CSA/ debt/ family

money in a binHaving suffered at the hands of the CSA I was actually quite pleased to hear that a new child maintenance service was being set up. Not so naiive as to believe that they’d be able to retrieve any payments from my ex-husband, obviously, but I did feel a glimmer of hope that they might have a more professional approach and greater powers available to them.

I was wrong.

It took an inordinate length of time for me to be able to transfer to the new service. This isn’t optional by the way, they just close your existing CSA case on an arbitrary date and unless you set up a new account with the CMS then that is the end of that and your ex gets away Scott free.

So, I jumped through the various hurdles to set up the new account and was advised during these conversations (it doesn’t take just one phone call, obviously) that they would take over and start afresh. As such I was asked if I wanted the arrears to be carried over or wiped off? Seriously, does anyone elect to wipe them off?!

Anyway, back to now, finally, finally, in March I received notification that they had decided what payments should be made and that I would receive the first payment on April 1 (I know, I know). Needless to say no payment has arrived. So I’ve phoned them today (twice, as the first time I failed their security questions…) and discovered that they felt I should have provided my ex-husband with my bank account details.

I should have given the man who has committed fraudulent acts, left me homeless and in debt, stolen from me and my children and my family, been abusive and has no regard or respect for me or my property – I should have given that man my bank account details?

Besides the fact that they had never asked me to do this and had, in fact, in January advised me that they would not expect me to do this given our history. Which the guy I spoke to today agreed was in the case notes, but said it was wrong and that I should never had been told it.

Their suggestion now is that I open a new bank account purely for receiving CMS payments. I asked if they’d actually had any contact with my ex and had any agreement that he would make payments? No, they said, but we have to give him the chance to.

Because 12 years of dodging payments isn’t enough of chance is it; let’s give the fella one more go huh.

Better Do Better Than That

Posted on 30th September 2010 in break up/ hard-fi/ lyrics

Am in a *listening to lyrics* mood at the moment if you haven’t already have guessed.

Which has reminded me of the soundtrack to A is for… And Then He Left Me this is the song that rallied my spirits when my ex tried to woo me back with a James Blunt CD (and a note inside saying ‘track 4 xxx’) followed by a Snow Patrol CD and lots of bull**** and feeble flattery.

Anyway, this song is called ‘Better Do Better’ by Hard-Fi – and it’s one of those songs that is written with such feeling that you just know he meant every word of it. It is a great song to listen to when trying to bring yourself back up – obviously as a girl you have to change it to be from the female perspective, if appropriate. It was sung a fair few times by me and girls (I cannot sing for toffee, never said it was pretty) and the last 3 verses are best sung with a great big smile on your face!

BETTER DO BETTER

You’re back sitting on my door step
Oh yeah like nothing happened
Telling me that you’re free and oh, can you see me again?
Yeah right, so you’ve been kicked out…
Do you think I’m that stupid?
You say you’re free but didn’t he just get tired of you kid?

I could not eat for days
I cried so much my face
Has never been the same and now you’re back here with your lies
I hope you realise

You think I’m going to take you back
You better do better than that
I’ll tell you how its going to be be
Don’t you never ever come near me…

Let me tell you how I’ve been
I’ve been hiding from my friends
Hiding from the world
Hiding from myself
So you think you’ll come round here
Start singing in my ear
Girl you damaged me, I don’t forgive so easily,
You better do better than that

Your face, makes me want to be sick
Ah yeah its a physical reaction
You better leave cos you see I can’t,
Won’t be blamed for my actions
Don’t know how I ever loved you
So dumb why did I ever trust you?
But you and he laughed at me, oh yeah
While you lay together…

I could not eat for days
I cried so much my face
Has never been the same and now you’re back here with your lies
I hope you realise

You think I’m going to take you back
You better do better than that
I’ll tell you how its going to be be
Don’t you never ever come near me…

Let me tell you how I’ve been
I’ve been hiding from my friends
Hiding from the world
Hiding from myself
So you think you’ll come round here
Start singing in my ear
Girl you damaged me, I don’t forgive so easily,
You better do better than that

I gave you everything I had girl
But you had to try and take some more
You went behind my back girl
Cheated on me, I was the last to know
Did everything we have girl mean nothing to you?
Well I was such a fool
Now you come crawling back girl
Well let me tell you, I am through with you

I’m back up off the floor
And I won’t get hurt no more
I’ve been waiting for this day when you’ll be back here with your lies
I hope you realise

You think I’m going to take you back
You better do better than that
I’ll tell you how its going to be be
Don’t you never ever come near me…

Let me tell you how I’ve been
I’ve been hiding from my friends
Hiding from the world
Hiding from myself
So you think you’ll come round here
Start singing in my ear
Girl you damaged me, I don’t forgive so easily,
You better do better than that

Do you have a song that got you through a break up?

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