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Grandparents – Could You Save The Relationship?

Posted on 26th January 2012 in divorce/ grandparents

The statistic I’ve seen most of today is that ‘1 in 5 children from a broken home lost touch with a parent forever‘.

There are many reasons for this and I don’t want to get into the whys and hows as I believe that every case, every family, every situation and every child is different and has a right to do what is best for them.

So although you may be tempted to intervene, or to question a decision, you can bet that you don’t know the half of it and that everyone involved is hurt, confused and needs to make their own decisions in their own time.

If you are a grandparent, looking in from the outside, it must be incredibly tempting to take one side or another. Even more tempting to get involved and try to patch things up.

I’m wondering if the estranged grandparents could play a huge part in saving some of these relationships.

Rather than arguing with the ex partner to defend your child, think smarter and keep your comments in check (let off steam later in the privacy of your own home if you need to!).

Use the benefits of the wisdom you’ve gained over the years to see that someone needs to be a bridge between the two parties and therefore a bridge directly to the children.

Even if you are told you can’t see the children anymore, send cards, send notes, remember birthdays and generally keep in touch. Be polite if you correspond with the mother (or father as the case may be) whatever went on between them and your son/daughter they are now raising your grandchildren. Every now and then offer support – babysitting for example if you live near enough – one day your offer may be taken up. Even if it isn’t, over time you will find that the relationship is built up rather than broken down.

I’m not suggesting that you should be disloyal to your son/daughter in the process. Let them know you are keeping in touch, let them know why. Rather then fanning the flames when they are incandescent with rage about their ex, try and calm the situation and encourage them to take a long term view on the situation rather than a short term one.

I really think that, wherever possible, a loving extended family is best for the children.

However, having grandparents who are nasty about their mum (or dad) is emotionally damaging – if you love your grandchildren surely you can bite your tongue. Is it worth ‘scoring a point’ if the consequence of it is that you hurt and confuse the children?

So my plea to all the grandparents out there: build a bridge, you never know when someone might decide to use it.

 

 

 

A Happy Memory #TheGallery

Posted on 14th September 2011 in #thegallery/ grandparents

Not a memory of mine, these are (or were) my grandparents. I’m guessing it is sometime in the 1970’s. This is my favourite photo of them because they are quite obviously having fun in it.

As a child I remember them being quite strict, my grandfather especially, I wasn’t allowed to wear jeans or trousers, I wasn’t allowed to chew gum, I wasn’t allowed to drop my ‘aitches and I was quizzed about capital cities and dates of wars over dinner – which could be anything from browned mince to a buffet of caviar, whole salmon, onions in vinegars and mushrooms à la grecque!

So for me, coming across this photo was a little bit like finding a Pandora’s box, albeit one that I can no longer open as they have both long since passed. 

This is my entry for week 37 of The Gallery, see more entries or enter yourself by clicking on the badge on the right hand side of my blog. x

 

K is for… Kreativ Blogger

Posted on 16th May 2010 in 1932/ Blog/ child/ grandparents/ KidAround Magazine/ meme/ Mother/ New York/ son/ wedding
Damn and tarnation, I have been tagged by @himupnorth to do a photo version of the 7 things meme. Actually, sorry – the rules say you have to THANK the person who passes the Kreativ Blogger award on to you, so, ahem, thank you @himupnorth for passing this to me… To try do this justice, I am for once going to attempt to use as few words as possible and let the images do the talking….

Picture 1.

I was quite a cute baby…

Picture 2.

But my mum was cuter!

Picture 3.

I have 2 boys. My DH has 2 boys. The picture below is from a day out at Bewilderwood in Norfolk – we built the den that they are sitting in. And yes, I may have buggered about with the pic in photoshop just a little!

Picture 4.

My grandparents 1932.

Picture 5.

My job – I make this.

Picture 6.

I have lots of amazing pics from New York, and couldn’t decide which was the most iconic – the Empire State? The Algonquin cat? Central Park? The Chrysler building? The Statue of Liberty? In the end I settled on something that surprised me – a black squirrel!

Picture 7.

Last but not least – 3rd April 2009.

And so, to pass the Kreativ Blogger – photo version – 7 things meme onto 5 others…

1 – @1chicmama

2 – @Jon_Stead

3 – @Metajugglamum

4 – @christinemosler

5 – @supersinglemum

So guys – I pass the Kreativ Blogger award on to you – have fun!

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