As I have now been single for 3 whole weeks, the evil twins (they aren’t twins) have decided that I should find a new man as soon as possible.
I asked them why so soon and they said:
C&T: “Not being funny but you don’t want to end up like nanny.”
Me: “Oh I don’t think nanny is lonely”
C&T: “Er, trust us, that’s not what we meant.”
So, moving swiftly on, I asked them what sort of man they thought I should go for. They quite surprised me with the following list:
1. Not shouty.
3. Likes playing games.
4. Be handsome.
5. Be fun. Sometimes silly but can be sensible too.
6. Maisy must like him.
7. Have a cool job. Examples given were: footballer; wrestler; NOT a clown*
8. Not smoke.
9. Not swear.
10. Not be bald.
11. Be taller than me.
12. Be kind.
13. Be loose not tight.
14. Not be allergic to cats.
15. Not be a clown*
16. Be good at drawing.
17. Be a billionaire.
18. Be cleverer than me – they added that wouldn’t be hard.
19. Be a maker.
20. Want to help them with stuff.
21. Live locally.
22. Make me happy.
DS2 then asked where I would find this man.
The night I told them that DH and I were separating DS2 said “Back on the old dating site then girl.” I laughed and said that I wouldn’t be going on a dating site, so DS2 said “just gonna hang out in some pubs then yeh?”
As we walked back to the car, for every man that we past, DS2 nudged me and said “Huh, how about him?” I said that I couldn’t just go up to a stranger and say hello, but he had a solution for that too. He said “You don’t say hello, you say: hey, got the rest of your life free to spend with me?”
*I think it’s worth pointing out that we had this conversation in a restaurant called Clowns, in which the walls are plastered with photos of clowns and circus memorabilia!