M is for… My Mistress

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3. Who’s your boss? Who (or what!) is in charge of you and your life?

This is EASY.

Much as I try and deny it, Twitter Is My Mistress. For example, today is my day off work. At work I spend the day in front of an iMac and I beaver away at my desk for hours on end. So, today – on my day off – I have mostly sat at home, in front of an iMac and buggered around on twitter for hours on end.

I did just break momentarily to do the washing up. That would be the washing up that I would have done last night, had I not been on twitter. I did have to go for a blood test this morning which took approximately 1.5hrs (30 mins to walk there, 30 mins to wait, 30 mins to walk back) I spent most of the 1.5hrs wishing I had a phone from which I could tweet….

I blame @MinaCab for this as twas she who introduced me to my mistress. She came to my house, plied me with cake, pulled many things (except the obvious) from her bra and then insisted that I join Twitter. Being a meek, subservient, do-as-I’m-told type of a girl I immediately signed up. And was immediately disappointed. “I don’t get it” I said. @MinaCab then explained the virtues of twitter to me and told me that she went to senior school with Andy Parsons (and did a reasonable Andy Parsons impression it has to be said) yet still the appeal of Twitter eluded me.

Yet it nagged at me. Why didn’t I ‘get it’ I am not especially unintelligent, if other people could ‘get it’ then why couldn’t I?

Every now and then I would throw a tweet into the void. Not a lot happened – to be fair I was only following @MinaCab @PlanetJedward and @StephenFry so it was fairly obvious that my banal tweets weren’t about to set the world on fire.

Then one day I did a #hashtagtweet and got a reply, from a real person, a stranger…. Ooooh this was intriguing. So I looked at the strangers ‘followers’ and added a few of them, and they followed me back. Suddenly my banal tweets started getting responses.

This then trigged a ‘ray of light’ a moment where the earth moved, the stars aligned and the heavens collided (never sure what with) – suddenly I GOT TWITTER. I got it, I understood it, I loved it.

I started following @richardm56 I’m not a daytime TV person so although I knew who he was, I wasn’t a stalker fan, but people said he was Mr Twitter, so I followed. He was funny. He made me laugh, I replied to a couple of his tweets – and he replied! I told him some mad tale about Binky (Richard’s late mail sherpa, long story) asking via the medium of Derek Acorah for him to follow me back – and he did! LOL. Twitter rocks!

I am now ‘friends’ with some amazing people on Twitter. My ‘real life’ friends ‘don’t get it’ and they pull that face at me if I mention it, so I don’t anymore. My husband, tolerant man though he is, is dubious of my twitter relationships.

Without Twitter I would never have spoken to @jakubhlavacek a lovely (but rude) gay guy from the Czech republic. I would never have exchanged, time, cake and publishing with @thecakenest – I would never have started a blog if it were not for the likes of the lovely @porridgebrain @cosmicgirlie @JfB57 @Princess_L_88 @cafebebe @vegemitevix (and too many more to list, sorry). I would never have had extraordinarily bizarre conversations with @PowerFairy my life would not have been enhanced by knowing @DrewParky who to me is a little ray of sunshine. I wouldn’t have seen the smiley face of @Superrealpj I wouldn’t know that sock cats are awesome if it weren’t for @_pussygalore I wouldn’t have received lovely, supportive messages from @busyhobs or have ever known about the Tots100 or @The_MADs if it weren’t for @swhittle. Without twitter I wouldn’t have had a lovely chat with @MyDaddyCooks or have tasted his simnel cakes and brightened Archie’s day with Thomas goodies.

Without Twitter I would never have started coffeegate…

I have lovely conversations with lots of wonderful people, including: @LivingwithKids @kateab @PaulaMaher @MissMarch1130 @1chicmama @hooker1uk @Caroljs @MeTheManAndBaby @Jon_Stead @cassiemwilliams @becaboop @KayAndHerBoys @SheilaW10 @The_Moiderer @Nudieprincess @bumblingtweets @ocean_design @christinemosler @gillyjamjar @utterlyscrummy @lbyrne74 @himupnorth @Debbie_Ireland @Delakobic @PeterWanless @SingleMummyUK @mediocre_mum @thekidscoach @TheJellyMonster @peabee72 @Henrys_Mummy @Metajugglamum @realityrose @Barb1963 @teamvaughan @newdaynewlesson @salamicat @nicolalalalala @ShortyMcStompy @balloonbaboon @blottedcopybook @benspex @mummylimited @chrisandharvey @freyerj @justinheron @tradingnothing @Rosa_lingerie

I’ve dropped phones down toilets with @SweetPeaParties. I love the gentle humour of @PippaD and everytime I read her name the song by BabyD pops into my head! I respect @Andy_Golding, I experienced a military clean up from @RAFairman, laughed at the IT Crowd with @kookoocachu @daddacool and @tattooed_mummy. I’m grateful for techy advice from @spences10. I laugh every time I see the name @AhcomeonnowTed. Quite early on in my twitter life, I was inspired by @Angiebabes999. I got trust from @SingleDadsDiary I got to do a guest blog for @SmittnbyBritain and I read STOP ME by the brilliant @Bookwalter

I LOVE the secret postclub, thank you @notefromlapland

I enjoy the humour of @GPforhire and @5tevenw

I am quite honoured to get the occasional reply from the lovely, talented and fairly easy on the eye ;o) @DhruvBaker1

And although I expect none of you will have noticed, I am reasonably fond of a nice guy called Bob @OnlyDads

My thoughts have #hashtags in them, as do things I put in texts and on facebook.

If I haven’t named you, please please don’t be offended. I follow 693 people – and I follow you all for a reason – it just simply wasn’t possible to list all 693 of you here (I did try, but I am very lazy) so if I follow you, I twitter-love you ok? Actually – if I’ve inadvertently missed you off, tweet me and let me know and I will add you :o)

So in answer to prompt 3 of @porridgebrain’s writing workshop: 3. Who’s your boss? Who (or what!) is in charge of you and your life? My one and only answer is TWITTER!