Hero Wanted – Apply Within
As I have now been single for 3 whole weeks, the evil twins (they aren’t twins) have decided that I should find a new man as soon as possible.
I asked them why so soon and they said:
C&T: “Not being funny but you don’t want to end up like nanny.”
Me: “Oh I don’t think nanny is lonely”
C&T: “Er, trust us, that’s not what we meant.”
So, moving swiftly on, I asked them what sort of man they thought I should go for. They quite surprised me with the following list:
1. Not shouty.
2. Kind.
3. Likes playing games.
4. Be handsome.
5. Be fun. Sometimes silly but can be sensible too.
6. Maisy must like him.
7. Have a cool job. Examples given were: footballer; wrestler; NOT a clown*
8. Not smoke.
9. Not swear.
10. Not be bald.
11. Be taller than me.
12. Be kind.
13. Be loose not tight.
14. Not be allergic to cats.
15. Not be a clown*
16. Be good at drawing.
17. Be a billionaire.
18. Be cleverer than me – they added that wouldn’t be hard.
19. Be a maker.
20. Want to help them with stuff.
21. Live locally.
22. Make me happy.
DS2 then asked where I would find this man.
The night I told them that DH and I were separating DS2 said “Back on the old dating site then girl.” I laughed and said that I wouldn’t be going on a dating site, so DS2 said “just gonna hang out in some pubs then yeh?”
As we walked back to the car, for every man that we past, DS2 nudged me and said “Huh, how about him?” I said that I couldn’t just go up to a stranger and say hello, but he had a solution for that too. He said “You don’t say hello, you say: hey, got the rest of your life free to spend with me?”
Want to apply? Just fill in the ‘boyfriend application form‘ as found by the lovely @KayAndHerBoys 😉
*I think it’s worth pointing out that we had this conversation in a restaurant called Clowns, in which the walls are plastered with photos of clowns and circus memorabilia!
I think that is an excellent list. Clowns are freaking scary after all!
Maybe, when you are ready, you should delegate the task to the evil-non-twins.
I have a feeling they’d bring home Homer Simpson!
What does “be a maker”? That’s a tough checklist for any man to tick, particularly the billionaire bit. I think if you find someone who can fulfil number 22 then you’ve pretty much got the others covered.
Be able to make things/take things apart/repair things etc. I think. I’m sure there is a man out there who can tick all the boxes – although I think you’re right and it might pay to start at 22 and work up x
Thats a brilliant list, you cannot fail, with the help of those adorable boys, to find the perfect man, not sure those two words work in the same sentence but you know what I mean!
lol, yes I know what you mean! thank you x
What gorgeous boys you have and they are going to help you find the man of your dreams! I do think that a couple of the early ones are rather telling though aren’t they?
yep, sadly that did occur to me too. still, onwards and upwards! x
That made me cry. I am going to get my kids to do the same for me as soon as they’ve accepted that mummy and daddy aren’t getting back together.
No don’t cry, it’s all good! My 2 have been through a fair amount of change so are pretty adaptable to new situations, which I hope is a good thing?! Maybe them doing the list will help with the realisation? xx
My son is adamant I need to get a boyfriend so he can do all the jobs that I make my son currently do – e.g. put his bowl in the dishwasher / tidy his room! Im not so sure!
This is great. I would like to steal that list. Just have to get rid of the existing husband first…!